The first day of school & beyond...

10 years later and 3 young gents in tow, another new chapter has inevitably impressed itself into the story of this faith family of five. 10 years ago, these days seemed so far away. These days of having all school-aged children. I hadn't a clue it would be 3 boys, let alone these 3 boys that have gripped my heart in ways indescribable, tugging at heart strings that I never knew could carry such a tune! I get it even more so than before. That indescribable way the Heavenly Father loves us. And even then, my motherly love for my boys pales in comparison. I could go on tangent after tangent about all of that, but I better stick to the topic at hand, for now at least. For 10 years, I've been so focused on being a mom, on making the home a haven for our family; the mom focus doesn't change, but it definitely shifts a little bit. It's hard to describe the internal wonderings and questionings that had been taking place knowing what this fall would bring; but those that know me best, knew what I was going through and the weirdness and almost 'lost feeling' that would accompany the start of this school year.

My Handsome Gents!!! Only a mother's love...

With 3 boys now heading off to school everyday, if I had a dollar for every time I was (and still am) asked "so now what will you do all day", I wouldn't even have to think about working. I'd cash in on that! :) But I've asked that very same question. Countless times. Even begged God in moments of deep frustration and near-desperation while trying to figure it out amidst pursuing. And God never really seemed to come through with a very clear-cut answer. Or maybe He did, and I just didn't want to acknowledge that this could very well be what He was saying. Andy and I thought we knew what would be next. We knew what I would do for work. It would just sortof fall into place like we assumed as I took all those necessary steps. It's taken heart-felt conversations with not only my God-fearing hubby, but also some dear Jesus-loving friends who have challenged my faith and even prayed for me, for us, as we move forward into this transition time.

My 4 school boys!! (Oh my heart....)

I love being their mama...truly blessed...X3!!

He put it on first thing in the morning & didn't take it off until he was at school!

To the world, this looks ridiculous. But let's be real. We already sorta looked ridiculous the past 10 years, me staying home with my boys while they were young raising them on one income. I have been met with mostly encouragement along the way, a little judgment here and there, some shock in regard that we would even try to live on a teacher's income and shock that we were actually doing/making it!! But it's God's math. Not ours. Still is. Oh it makes no sense even now. Putting pencil to paper with insurance rates always climbing (and not at a snails pace mind you), medical bills filing in, and budgeting until the eraser is below that gold rim proves to be quite challenging....but fulfilling. Because even when we are able to come up with that bottom line of zero and our plan looks perfect, God throws a curve ball, and regardless if we swing and miss or hit a home run, if HE'S behind it all, we somehow still score. And by that I mean living simply, making this whole thing work--living on faith, but responsibly with what's really His in the first place--no, it's not easy, but we wouldn't have it any other way. (I say all of this in hopes to encourage some of those that I know are on the fence of nervousness when it comes to single-income living, or those considering a climb down that corporate ladder...let Him have it & watch Him work....) We've always been a simple-minded family (you can read plenty of other posts in our way of simplicity living...) and this is no different. We don't need the latest & greatest, or even the slightly used & abused. Besides, you can't take a U-Haul to Heaven!!!  All of this would be 'part one' of the conversations had and the mess going on in my head when trying to figure out the 'what now' chapter of this story God is writing.


5th grade--middle school!! agh!

3rd grade!!! Only a year left at elem! Agh again!

Kindergarten!! Yep, one more Agh! How did we get here SO quick?!

'Part two' is just as messy and played perfectly right into the 'what now' begging question being asked time and time again. I refuse to fall prey to the pressures so many women put on themselves, let alone the cultural pressures that do exactly the same thing. Looking ahead to this school year, I said so in my heart, and in my mind, that it was a word I didn't want to put so readily into my vocabulary that it was the first word that flew out of my mouth.

"How are you?"

"Busy, but good."

Riiiiiight.

How about we just call it like it is...busy, but tired/anxious/worried/drained/so much to do in so little time/burnt out/...do I need to continue? I've been there. Done that. But don't really want to go back to the overwhelmingness of it all. Even in all the 'good' busy, it's still busy, and can still easily lead to an unwelcomed overwhelmingness if you let it.

This past summer, while sipping on coffee listening to our kiddos playing contentedly in the background, a sweet friend and I talked about life, encompassing everything from raising kids, to the endless distractions this world gives to what really matters, to this very chapter of 'what now' for our family. She said something that honestly, is so simple, but I didn't really even think to consider because it's so backward in this day and age and wasn't an option, in my mind anyway, when moving forward into this transition time. I'm thankful she didn't discount our friendship when the look on my face gave the impression that she's crazy...and how in the world do you do that?! In continuous motion of bringing her coffee cup to her lips, she stated, "why don't you just take a sabbatical? Take some time to just rest?" She took her sip of coffee while I nearly dropped mine and proceeded to produce another wrinkle on my forehead with my look of shock & confusion. Huh? But that's not what I had in mind...and it's so selfish...and so not what people expect...and what would said people think....and......


First Day of School Family Selfie!! ;)

...yeah. She stopped me and basically said, 'who cares what said people think? As long as you're being obedient to what God wants YOU to do at this next phase of life.....' Deep down I knew she was right. Continuing on into our afternoon together, hearing her own story of rest and recharge was encouraging, enlightening, and she did it all while playing out her God-given roles as a wife, a mom, a friend, a sister, a teacher, etc. We're so busy doing that as believers we forget that we're also called to being. And that day was the start of what God kept pressing on my heart...it's time to just 'be' for a bit. God bless this sweet friend and that divine appointment of restored friendship.

cousins & classmates! :) (Mason & Aven)

Oh I know there will be days when I'll be...ahem....busy. It can't be helped with being a soccer mom, Awana leader, Bible study, subbing here and there within the school district, teaching Sunday School, etc. And there will be days when I'll have a stressed out, panic moment when going through the stack of mail only to open yet another bill and it's bigger than expected. And I'll wonder why I'm here and not 'out there.'

after-school-laughter ensues!!! :)



A little sunset soccer :)

I'm sure there will come a time when He says, "it's time." But for the start of this next chapter, this next phase of life, it begins with some rest. Not running out the door to earn a paycheck at whatever job just because I'll have 'time', or filling up what used to be kid-centered hours with new responsibilities because I'll have 'time'. There will come a time for that soon enough I'm sure! Refilling my spiritual cup and savoring sweet fellowship with my Savior uninterrupted, sitting at the coffee shop nurturing a friendship for 2 hours while we discuss how to raise boys in a rapidly changing society, volunteering in my boys' classrooms like I've never been able to before, playing piano beyond just the Sunday morning worship, closet-cleaning without littles underfoot, those things that I used to do, but haven't in quite some time....that's part of the rest. And it's good. :) Whether it's for a month, or 6 months, or a year, however long God keeps me in this particular place, our obedience as a family to the faith steps He provides and leads us to take has been the call we are to heed.
Coffee anyone?? ;)