Surgery...Family...

To say that the last few days have been identical to that of a whirlwind would be pretty accurate. If you had to measure my emotional status over the past 5 days, I can almost guarantee that it would have been off the charts on both ends. There has been a whole gamut of mixed feelings and emotions going in and out of the revolving doors of the Anderson household. And even as I begin to write about all that just occurred, I think I'm still, in a way, processing through it all. Maybe even "recovering" right along with Carson in some sense. So, let's just start where we left off last time...in that anticipation phase of what we were about to experience. My mom and sisters pulled into our driveway on Friday evening and the squeals and exclaims were heard throughout the neighborhood I'm sure! We took advantage of the next hours we would spend together and the memory-making began! 

Carson with Auntie Karla!

Coffee around the table...FINALLY! :)

Grandma and Mason

Bubble time!! :)

I love my mama....

 And the spoiling with "gifts" begins...

Thanks Aunties--all set for some MN Twins baseball!

A new stuffed animal for Carson from Grandma--he took it with to Reno

Thanks Grandma!!!

 Sunday arrived and with it, so did a little coffee shop visit with my girls--a needed respite before taking off to Reno. We also took advantage of the beautiful weather after church and did some photo-ops, and of course got a freshly updated "sister picture"! I have a frame already (thanks Kari!) that will hold one of these fun photos. 

mama and her girls with our delish coffees! :)

sisters....sisters....

I love my sisters!!!

my fam. with my mama and sistas!!

 That afternoon we all bid our teary farewells and headed off to Reno--just the three of us (me, Andy, Carson)--see, I told you emotions were all over the board. I was excited that my other 2 boys were in "good hands" and about to be spoiled silly by their Grandma and aunts...I was bummed that Carson would miss out on some of that time. I was nervous for Carson and just wanting to be on the "other side" of it all. I couldn't get to Monday afternoon fast enough! (and in hindsight...to Tuesday morning fast enough...) I was filled with peace, nervousness, joy, tears, optimism, anxiousness. Emotional overload. 
 For a quick "recap" as to why Carson had surgery--he had what was called a Congenital Cholesteatoma in his left ear: a cyst that he was born with that has been growing on his ear bones. Removal was essential. This surgery was to remove as much as (if not all) of the cyst as possible, but it was about to be a very invasive surgery...and a long one. 3 1/2 hours long. We arrived at the hospital bright and early Monday morning...5:50am early. And unfortunately, already a little weary not having slept hardly at all the night before. Some of our worries prior to surgery were put to rest as Carson was doing great with all the pre-op...I couldn't have asked for that part to go more smoothly!

 In the waiting room after being checked-in...

All ready to go!!

After giving the final kisses, we watched as they wheeled him back to the OR and then headed to the little hospital coffee shop in desperate need for a mocha. We headed back upstairs and the waiting began. The constant praying was in full force. Our cell phone became a near continuous stream of texts filled with encouragement, verses, etc. from our dear family and friends. Verses written on index cards became a lifeline. Magazine pages were flipped but not really looked at. The clock on the wall did not "tick-tock" fast enough. The phrase "God's got this" replayed like a peaceful broken record in my mind. And finally 3 1/2 hours later...a nurse called "mom of Carson" to the recovery room. I think I literally shot out of my chair and barely felt the legs beneath me carrying me to my boy. I was once again "warned" that my son was having a hard time coming out of the anesthesia. You remember the last time, right? Well...it was pretty similar, only this time I did expect to walk into seeing my son surrounded by about 4-5 nurses once again....but did not expect to see what appeared to be a giant-sized plastic earmuff on Carson's left ear. It was at first horrific and just plain old huge! I knew it would be bandaged in someway but the vision in my mind beheld a little something in the smaller range. They wasted no time in allowing me to climb right next to Carson in the bed--I hadn't even seen the doctor yet so I had no idea how the surgery went--I only know this boy needed his mama to help calm him down. This time around, he was a little more aggressive, frustrated at all the "stuff" that was on and around him. He went from ripping his "ear bandage" off his ear, to pulling at his IV, to throwing the oxygen tube/cup at a nurse...not all at once, but at random (and sometimes consecutive) times within that first half hour. Quite uncharacteristic of my little man. He was crying, wanting to go home...and when the calmness did finally come, I asked him if I could scratch his arm. In his tiny little scared, shaky voice he replied: "No. Sing to me mommy." He laid his head on my chest and the repetition of Jesus Loves Me, You Are My Sunshine, and Jesus Loves The Little Children began. At one point, during one of his 'rants', I will have to say that we experienced a rather, um, not-so-sensitive nurse and she had the audacity to literally get in my son's face (seriously...she was about an inch from his nose) and all the while holding his shoulders back, sternly tell him "You have got to stop kicking Carson. Stop being so naughty!" (she then firmly repeated that last statement) I KNOW some of you were praying at that exact moment because it took all the will power I had to bite my tongue and not bite her head off! Mama bear's claws were about to be unleashed. Naughty? A five year old who has been under anesthesia for 4 hours?? It was a few moments later at her extended comment to me of "wow, mom. You must really have your hands full with him" that I slowly turned my head to the left with my eyes filled to the brim with tears and mumbled underneath my breath to a quiet and peacefully calm nurse, "this behavior is not normal for him." I didn't know what else to do. By God's grace (and probably some other keen ears who heard her rude comments) I never saw that nurse again after her final comment...but only ones that were so very patient and understanding and caring. Whirlwind. Emotions running high. Steady stream of prayers. A few more tears. On our way to the second recovery room was when Andy joined us. It wasn't until then that I got the full report of how Carson's surgery went. I had the "it went great" line given to me from the nurses, but I wanted the nitty-gritty doctor details. Thankfully, Carson slept off and on in the first and second recovery room so Andy and I had a chance to talk about it all. And we even had to wake him up in order for them to let us go.

sleeping in the second recovery room

So...here's the breakdown. It was a success! No nerve damage whatsoever (praise!!!), the cyst did not touch the mastoid bone, and the doctor was very optimistic in his claim of removing all of the cyst that he could see. Carson is down to just half of an ear bone (everyone has 3) due to the cyst literally destroying them and nearly disintegrating 2 of them. So yes, reconstruction of those ear bones will be a definite in his future. We will see our doctor again in 2 weeks and then decide as to when the next surgery will take place. That surgery will be to make sure there is no regrowth but if there is, to once again remove it. The praying continues.
      
We had taken my uncle's wise advice to stay in Reno Monday night and I can't tell you how thankful we did--being able to just let Carson continue working through the anesthesia without having to drive here and there and bring him back to brothers and family anxious to see him proved to be the right thing. He slept off and on for most of the afternoon and into the evening in our hotel room. Exhaustion all-around. I felt like I had been through a battle. It wasn't until I was on the phone with my mom that I sorta "lost it" and the strength finally gave way to the floodgates.  

watching cartoons in the hotel room

snoozing away....

 After a long nauseating (literally) Monday, all 3 of us finally got a good night's rest and Tuesday morning, Carson woke up with a few tears of wanting to "go home and see my family." But minutes later, he cracked a smile. I nearly cried!! The day before he was almost too weak to even talk--he would point at things, no smiles, only small mutterings of words, etc. So when he actually told me in sentence form that "I'm hungry mama. I want some breakfast" I just about jumped out of my skin!! Our Carson was slowly coming back. We did just that. Got some breakfast and came home to our family. 

Carson smiling as he opens a little package from nanny!

The next hours were spent retelling of what had happened just 24 hours earlier, Austin and Carson getting their AWANA awards, laughing with my mom and sisters and hubby over the silliest of things (a puppy puzzle?!), cracking jokes, but it was the perfect medicine for this mama's aching heart. Here's the recap of those photos from those awards (I'm SO PROUD of my boys!!) and other random family snapshots. 

helping Grandma with a puppy puzzle

Award night for AWANA!!

Carson--his last year in Cubbies, so next year he's a Sparkie!! (what?!?!)

Austin's second book award for Sparks!!!

So proud of my two boys!

The final puzzle--my mom bought this for Austin :)

one final bowl of oatmeal together

Saying goodbye--one final swing!

Carson giving hugs to Auntie Karla

Carson and daddy working on his new "prize"..a camping lego rig

I will simply close this post by saying thank you--thank you to soooooooo many countless family members and friends who were lifting up our Carson in prayer. Thank you for the ways you have blessed our family with gifts to my boys (especially Carson!), with meals, cards, phone calls, etc. And of course, thank you to my mom and sisters who drove all this way to create more memories and just "be here" for me and my boys. Blessed. Truly, truly blessed.

Anticipation

We are nearing the end of yet another week and the anticipation is building....my mom and sisters will be here in a matter of hours now!!!!!!! (insert gigantic giddy smile and probably a squeal or two) I was already planning on doing some spring cleaning this week and their upcoming arrival just helped me push it into "high gear"! It's been nearly two years since I've seen my oldest sis...two years too long in my book. Needless to say we are looking forward to an endless stream of coffee, lots of laughter to be had, and many more wonderful memories made to be added to our "memory bank". I am beyond thankful for their nutso "fly by the seat of their pants" decision to drive halfway cross the country to spend a few days with me and all my boys. I am humbled that they would choose to come all this way.....to help....to just "be here" for us. But, it's what family does!!

 Along with watching in anticipation for the MN (and MT) caravan to arrive, we are also on the brink of Carson's first surgery for his Cholesteatoma. Since he was first diagnosed with this a month and a half ago, I've been on the side of practical and the side of down-right emotional. God created Carson this way and who am I to question His detailed plan for my little boy's life? That doesn't stop the tears or the worries or the general "fears" we moms naturally have whenever our children are faced with something that we simply have no control over. This isn't a quick fix, let alone something that I can fix. But I am thankful that my heart and mind KNOW who IS in control and who is the ultimate Healer. I have been reminding myself constantly lately that God already knows the outcome and my son is in the best care possible. I just have to remember to leave him there....in HIS hands....especially come Monday morning. 

In our anticipating, here's what the five of us have been up to the past few days....

Austin randomly took his Bible out the other day and told me, "I'm going to be like daddy and read from Luke 2." (we read that every Christmas...and yes, daddy reads it!) 

 We watched Jovi and Aven (our nieces) so Kyle and Jen could have a date night--we had a lot of fun with those girls!

Popcorn!!!!

"Cheeeese"!

 With spring fever accompanied by the gorgeous weather comes new outdoor projects--this year, one of them will be the "hill" in our backyard. Nothing too new, just a makeover.

my boys at work!

Austin and Carson moving rocks for a "rock garden"

Mason's idea of work--a bat and a (volley)ball?? ;)

 AWANA has come to an end with the awards night marking the finale next week. Here's my Carson Cubbie bear (who will move up with the "big kids" next year) and Austin enjoying a fun night of "beach night" being the theme for the last night.

 And like I promised, here are more t-ball pictures!!! This time, it was the cousins on opposing teams--you can't help but take in the innocence of this age, watching the laughter and giggles that are shared as they run past each other around the bases.

Austin acting as the pitcher

Carson's down and ready!

Good throw Austin!

And CJ's off!!!!

Good swing Austin!

Yep--there's that laughter I was referring to ;)

Go Carson!! Swing batta batta swing!

Cousins!

I came across these verses a while back and as we anticipate Monday, I'm clinging to the truths of His Word. "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord, is the Rock eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4

Another week....

...has come and gone already! It started out with a Monday morning of bittersweetness, taking Carson to his kindergarten screening. He was shyly excited and I kept the tears at bay as we visited the various rooms. I treated him to a hot cocoa at the coffee shop afterwards, always a fun treat! 

We enjoyed our first of quite a few t-ball games and the weather cooperated for at least our first game! I'm sure I won't be lacking in t-ball pictures in the upcoming weeks. :)

Carson up to bat

Austin scoring

Carson ready to head to third--gotta love the shades!

Austin playing first base!

 It has also been a week of learning, a week of closet-cleaning and clothes-sorting, a week filled with random family moments like a fire outside before bed (and on a school night!!), a week that brings us one more closer to Carson's surgery and to our annual summer vacation. Our calendar seems full as we look at the week's ahead, but in looking back at this last one...I'm thankful God was in it. All of it. He was in the conversations, in the reading time with my boys, in the chaos that ensued some of our mornings, in the "races" Carson and Mason had with their cars, and just "in" our everyday. Today, we end our week on a rainy day with t-ball ceremonies in the morning and an afternoon to just...."be".

brothers being goofy...

puzzle time!

Mason's cars lined up and ready to race!

Carson's "lego racers"

t-ball opening ceremonies!

my "Sea Dogs" (Austin and Carson)

National Anthem